How many times does a person have to read the same pieces of painfully obvious regurgitated self-help advice before those bits of advice start inspiring thoughts of violence? For me, I think it was about 200 times, give or take.
So to close off the year, here are thirteen such tips that have come to completely infuriate me. (Please note the heavy tone of sarcasm in my response to each of these.)
1. Unplug! (or “disconnect” or “limit screen time” etc).
Really???? You mean all the time I spend on Facebook and looking at my phone isn’t wholly beneficial??? Now just who would’ve thunk?…
2. Spend time outdoors.
No kidding, eh? Like with trees and grass or the beach, in the natural world we were created to thrive in? Hmm, okay. I think I remember a hiking trail in Yorba Linda somewhere. And this giant yellow glowing thing in the sky too. I’ll check it out.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Because of course it is completely intentional that I feel a little sheepish whenever I see some drop-dead gorgeous chick with mile-long-legs and a magnetic personality. Clearly I just need to stop comparing my probably-a-7-on-my-best-day self to her rolls-out-of-bed-a-10 awesomeness. Its my own fault really. But what if I was just totally girl crushing or admiring the chick? Is that still comparing?
Oh! You know what, I don’t actually care.
4. Fuel your creativity! Find the artist within! Oooo!
Oh, totally! Like take one of those trendy wine & painting classes on Groupon and experience the unbridled joy of remembering that, oh yeah, my talent is limited to stick figures. Oh well.
5. Take time to be with your family.
No shit? Really? I thought my parents, kids, and husband were just for decoration. But okay, I’ll keep that in mind!
6. Eat more whole foods.
But why?!?!?!?? There’s a Del Taco down the street, and a Carls Junior right across from there, and Jack in the Box is only a stone’s throw away. And with the everlasting availability of Oreos… I mean, eating whole foods?… Don’t be ridiculous.
7. Move your body!
Oh, I’m on to you now. Time in nature, whole foods, exercise? This is some attempt to get me to care about my quality of life or something, isn’t it? You can’t fool me!
8. Don’t check your email in the morning.
Okay, can you go ahead and let my boss know about this one? I wouldn’t want him to think I am going to start addressing tasks and whatnot when I first arrive at work. Clearly such things can wait until the latter half of the day.
9. Make time for YOU!
So I’ll just schedule a date with myself and spend all of the loads of extra cash I have on a nice massage and pedicure. No concern that my kids are probably at home killing each other while my husband plays the Xbox. Its fine, really. I can do it on this thing people call a “lunch break”. Just like the email thing, work can wait. What’s 40 hours a week? I am sure I can keep my benefits and maintain the same income if I shorten it to schedule some of this all-important “me time”.
10. Go for a walk and breathe deeply.
Ummm….yeah. Because somehow that’s the answer to everything.
11. Develop an attitude of gratitude!
Wait, wait…hold on… – I think I am about to vomit all over your face.
12. Spend wisely! Develop a budget!
Ooooooooooohhhhhh…..got ya! Spend wisely and develop a budget. I could have sworn my dad said something about that when I was growing up, but gosh, I just can’t put my finger on what it was…
13. Love the skin you’re in!
Aww, that is so sweet! It makes me want to give myself a warm, cozy hug! I’m going to go stare in the mirror now and repeat my new self-care mantra: “I love my body…I love my flaws…I love my body…”.
And there’s more. So many more of these obnoxious kill-me-now bits of “wisdom”. It’s like everywhere I turn is some mindless article showcasing this (and a similar) collection of tidbits. It was probably first heard on a Kaiser Permanente commercial, and then every self-proclaimed guru on the planet copied it to their blog citing some divine influence from which it supposedly came. The titles of such entries were things like:
“Here are 10 ways to do life well”
“Tips to live a happier life”
“How to feel more fulfilled”
“Feel happier now!”
I. Can’t. Deal.
Want to know how to live a happier life?
Do things that make you happy!!!!!!
Personally, I am into a lot of those crunchy-mama kind of things, but if you’re happier with a hot dog than you are with a green juice, that’s okay. Or if you want to veg out in front of the TV rather than go for a walk in the park, that is totally fine. And if you and your mom would rather shop till you drop than paint ceramics at Color Me Clueless or whatever, again, absolutely okay.
THIS IS YOUR LIFE.
There is only one.
You choose the priorities.
You choose how to spend the time.
I’d like to suggest that we stop spending said time constantly trying to fix things and instead embrace it all as it is. Assuming you’re not hurting anyone, there is nothing wrong with living your life however you see fit.
Wake up, thank God for another day, and get after it!
That’s it. Everything else is just filler.
© Danielle Hewitt (of Loving A Fit Life) and DanielleHewitt.com (including LovingAFitLife.com) 2011 – 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Danielle Hewitt and DanielleHewitt.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.